Curious, I picked it up off the shelf. I was more than a little surprised to discover that it was intended for human consumption. My immediate thought was Why would anyone drink this stuff – people aren’t bloody plants!
For those of you who’ve forgotten your high school science, plants use chlorophyll to absorb energy from light so they can photosynthesize – produce food for themselves, and oxygen for the greater good.
What if drinking this stuff meant that I could produce my own sustenance? I wouldn’t need to eat food. No more cooking, no packing lunches, no washing up, no grocery shopping … apart from Liquid Chlorophyll Concentrate of course. And Cheezels. Even if I don’t have to eat, I’d still choose to eat Cheezels.
Hmmm. Tempting.
And I wouldn’t need to breathe anymore either? Plants take up the carbon dioxide we breathe out and convert it to oxygen, which we breathe in. But if I could photosynthesize, my cells would convert the CO2 by-product floating around in my system to the O2 my body needs. Brilliant!
Probably wouldn’t need lungs then … so I could, if I were feeling generous, donate them to someone awaiting a transplant. Or if I was running a bit short of cash, I could sell them on the black market. I have a lunch cooler bag with HUMAN ORGAN FOR TRANSPLANT emblazoned on it – perfect for transportation … though I’d have to figure out if my lungs would fit in there. Can you fold them?
Without lungs, I wouldn’t have to worry about choking. Or drowning. Or asthma.
Or talking.
Okay. That’s not ideal. Could there be other downsides?
Well, one that springs to mind is fashion related. Chlorophyll is what gives plants their green pigment. Photosynthesis doesn’t work without it. Never mind turning orange from fake tan, I’d have to turn green for this to work, and I remember Kermit the Frog saying “it’s not easy being green”. He’d know.
I’d also be the subject of ridicule, and spend my days battling the inevitable barrage of botanical banter.
Leaf me alone.
You should branch out.
Are you barking mad?
Did you twig to what I said?
Don’t be such a sap!
If the puns aren’t bad enough, there’ll be the jokes too.
What was wrong with the tree’s car? It wooden go!
How do trees get on the internet? They log on!
Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it!
I’d want to be careful not to annoy people either. They’d likely tell me to ‘get knotted’. Or worse still ‘get rooted’.
Okay. There are definite disadvantages. There must be advantages though? I could go and do some research into the health benefits of drinking Liquid Chlorophyll Concentrate, but really …. I’ve got to wonder how much chlorophyll an animal needs. Surely eating just a few green vegetables occasionally would satisfy our nutritional requirements.
I didn’t buy the Liquid Chlorophyll Concentrate and, on reflection, I don’t think I ever will. Unless I want to add some nutrients to my herb garden. I’m sure my basil plants would appreciate the spearmint flavour.