If you are not a Star Wars fan, look away now. I’m sorry to say that I haven’t moved on from last month’s theme. It was, I fear, just the beginning.
When I was in my classroom this week, I witnessed one of my Year 6 boys using a wastepaper basket as a helmet / face shield. Whether or not he’d realised the bin contained actual items of rubbish before he upended over his noggin is probably irrelevant. The end result is the same. Rubbish all over the floor and a gaggle of children giggling at a boofhead with a basket over his head.
I give the boy my “teacher look” even though he can’t see my face through the thin slits on his new headwear. The child sitting closest to me can see my face though, and she says, ‘You’re not allowed to strangle him, Miss.’ To which I reply, ‘I am aware of that. Just know that I am imagining it, and he’s really lucky that I’m not a Jedi who can channel the Force.’
After the bin and rubbish were eventually reunited, I got to thinking how useful it would be for a teacher to be able to manipulate the Force to maintain an ordered classroom. And before you judge me for that, if you haven’t been in a classroom recently – let me tell you that they can be pretty crazy places. I have thirty plucky little squirrels across four grades, so every day is an adventure. Some days are probably better described as misadventures.
So, my initial ideas for employing the Force in the classroom were relatively benign and practical. Chairs not pushed in under desks? The Force can fix that! Can’t find the remote for the whiteboard projector? The Force can fix that too! Kids not engaging in the lesson? Picture this … I ask a question and thirty hands shoot into the air instantly, then start waving frantically.
As a teacher there is nothing more gratifying than a sea of hands heralding active participation in learning. And I can’t pretend that I wouldn’t enjoy the genuine bewilderment on the twenty-eight faces of the kids who hadn’t even realised I’d asked a question. Okay, you can judge me for that.
And what about the kids who can’t tie their shoelaces? As a beginning teacher I was warned about tying shoelaces, especially for the little boys, who are famous for having dubious aim when toileting… with the Force – no problemo! And the nose-pickers – the Force can deal with those too!
Imagine a fight in the playground. As statistically unbelievable as this is, fights are always on the other side of the oval to where one is currently patrolling, so with a suitable application of the Force – fantastic! All the combatants are suddenly whisked away from each other and then float in the air, still optimistically throwing punches but landing none of them.
I guess there could be teachers who might employ Jedi mind-tricks to improve student test results, which should give us pause … Okay, that’s long enough. No system is perfect. The benefits, combined with the endless comedic opportunities, far outweigh the costs.
If our leaders were brave enough to introduce core subjects in our nation’s undergraduate education degrees dealing with channelling the Force, I need never again utter the words ‘take that rubbish bin off your head’ and ‘go outside and brush the pencil shavings out of your hair because I don’t want a termite infestation in here’.
Bring it on. Or as Yoda would say – “It on, you bring.”