This week’s local rag was dated 1 April 2020, and while I’d like to think this is a hoax – I am afraid it isn’t.
Apparently, out here in the country, we are stockpiling “chooks and ammo”. God help us.
The chickens I can kind of understand. People are wanting to be more self-sufficient. They want to rely less on the shops. I get it.
But the ammo? Why do people need more than they did before? I know we do have a feral pig problem here, and the local council pays $10 for snouts and tails. So yes, people have a legitimate use for guns. But my question stands – why the stockpiling now?
With so many questions a-flurry in my brain, I braced myself and read the article. Unfortunately, after reading the article, as I was none the wiser as to people’s motivations I was left with only one option. Speculate – and come up with my own conclusions.
Perhaps people think they’ll need to protect their chooks – or maybe their toilet paper stockpile? Or perhaps their pasta, rice, flour, sugar, bread, frozen vegetables, packets of biscuits, hand sanitizer, paracetamol, washing powder … the list seems endless.
And then my mind went somewhere else – as it often does. If the chooks get hold of the guns … look out! Now I know what you’re thinking. Chickens don’t have hands so even if they do somehow commandeer the guns, they won’t be a threat. And I agree, but then I thought of the song Cows with Guns. If you haven’t ever heard it, and you’ve got 5 minutes and 12 seconds to spare, a search on YouTube will sort you out. I really want to hate this song, but I don’t. While the concept horrifies me to the core of my being, some of the wordplay really amuses me.
Spoiler alert. Near the end of the song, chickens arrive … in choppers! And while I’m sure it is purely an alliterative convenience – because chooks can no more fly helicopters than they can wield a weapon – I can’t shake the idea of domesticated creatures retaliating against their human overlords. Bird flu didn’t wipe us out, and neither did mad cow disease. I’m starting to think that maybe the corona virus isn’t the only thing we need to fear.
For those of you who endured my last post, you might remember that I’d resolved to not buy a Nerf gun. But now I’m wavering. I wonder if going out to purchase a Nerf gun and a hefty supply of ammunition would be permitted. Is it essential? Maybe I’ll just order it online …